


A Gleam of Hope

by Nelioe



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Not Related, Awesome Fíli, Comforting Fíli, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, Kíli has a hard time, M/M, Medical Student Kíli, intern Kíli, mentions of bullying, nurse Fíli
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 13:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4921936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nelioe/pseuds/Nelioe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At first Kili is excited to be a medical student, but he realises pretty soon that he's underestimated the amount of work. Studying is hard and his internship at a hospital is even worse. He doesn't fit in, suddenly develops insecurities and is ready to give up, but then he meets Fili.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Gleam of Hope

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Khafushun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khafushun/gifts).



> I really hope you like it!
> 
> This is another prize for the summer fandom raffle exchange (a 2000 to 3000 word fanfic by me). It was asked for: "Kili is a medical student, studying to be a doctor. He’s excited to study medicine, because he wants to help people, but he’s completely overwhelmed by the workload. Then one day at the hospital he meets Fili" and I went with option number 1, something cute: "nurse!Fili reassures Kili that he’s going to be a GREAT doctor someday, and Kili starts developing a crush."
> 
> I loved all the options you mentioned, but my brain kinda went with this one. I hope it turned out alright. :)

 

 

Kili wanted to be a doctor since the day his mother collapsed in front of his eyes. His uncle Thorin had tried to send him to his room, but they had both been too worried to make sure he obeyed. In panic they had waited for the arrival of the emergency doctor and when he finally stepped into their flat it was all going so fast Kili could barely remember what was being said, too scared and in tears to care about anything else but his motionless mother. But then the doctor injected something intravenously and only a few seconds later Kili’s mother opened her eyes. The doctor that had saved his mother was his hero till high school and the reason he studied with an unbreakable will. He wanted to be just like this man. Wanted to help and save people.

So far it had gone pretty well. His grades were outstanding and he was accepted for the study of medicine at the first try on his first choice university. A dream had come true. His mother and uncle were so proud when he got the letter with the acceptance and he hadn’t been able to get rid of the happy grin on his features and wore it for days. All of his work was finally paying off.

It all changed, however, when he started to study. The amount of work suddenly heaved onto his shoulder was completely insane. Biology, physic, chemistry, all sorts of stuff that was supposed to help him understand the biochemistry and on top of these classes: terminology or to put it simply, Latin and ancient Greek.

He was drowning in work, felt constantly stressed and didn’t sleep very well at night, always worrying what he was going to do if he failed one of his exams. Being a doctor was something he’d wanted for such a long time that it had become a part of him. Without that part he wouldn’t know what to do or who he actually was. He was scared shitless and his confidence shrank with every day at the university. Everyone seemed to be better prepared than him. Most of them had even done the internships required for the admission to the midterm exams. The other part of his fellow students aimed for the semester break to do these internships, but Kili realised pretty soon that he wouldn’t manage this study if he denied himself the important breaks.

After consulting with his mother and uncle and thinking about this for months he eventually decided to make an application for taking a semester off. His request was acceded and so Kili could start an internship in a hospital a month later. The working hours were long and the internship unpaid, although they had a shortage of staff they knew very well that he needed this internship for his exams and therefore had the upper hand in this discussion.

If he thought it wouldn’t be that bad despite no financial expense allowance, since he would start to work were he’d always wanted to and even if he wasn’t allowed to do anything special it would be better than fearing to fail at the university, then well… he was mistaken. Trying to gain insight in the job of the nursing staff made him fall between two stools. The doctors paid him no mind and some of the nurses that imagined all doctors to be lazy and disrespectful towards their hard work seemed to have made it their business to bully him. Kili tried to bear it in silence, he had to work with these people for a few more weeks after all and who could say what would happen if he decided to complain.

Wondering if some of his fellow students had experienced the same kind of aversion he was facing right now Kili texted with one of them as soon as he’d survived the first week and caught up on all the sleep he seemed to need. The result to this was devastating. So what made him the target of mockery was either something personal or he had chosen the wrong hospital for his internship. The future didn’t look as bright anymore as on the day he’d gotten the letter.

The second week started as awfully as the first had ended. He worked for long hours, found only enough time to eat and shower when he got home and would otherwise drop into his bed, dead to the world, until his alarm woke him the next morning. Kili dreaded already the change of shifts, afraid his body wouldn’t be able to handle the sudden change of work and sleeping schedule.

On Wednesday Kili was certain to be only an inch away from a meltdown. He didn’t know how an approaching meltdown felt, obviously, why would he know that? But if he ever had to imagine how it would feel, this was it. Kili had forgotten to get the results from the laboratory as he was told to, which had his supervisor giving him an angry slating right on one of the hallways of the hospitals for everyone to hear. It was a combination of many things that broke him in the end and had him to fight really hard to blink back tears, because he didn’t want to cry in front of the staff and patients on top of it. With the study causing him to feel stressed all the time, draining the confidence out of him, the bullying and the crazy working hours, followed now by such a scolding… it was more than he could take.

Luckily it was his lunch break right after, so he sought shelter in one of the storage rooms, took a seat in one of the corners and lost his battle against the sobs tightening his throat. This place was awful. How could he be a doctor if he couldn’t even handle this? What was he thinking? Studying and a childhood dream wasn’t what was going to turn someone into a doctor, it needed more and in this moment Kili was quite certain that he didn’t have it in him.

He sat there, hunched and crying into his trousers at his kneecaps until the door to the room opened all of a sudden. Startled Kili wiped the tears off with the sleeve of his shirt, but not really succeeding in his haste.

“What are you doing here? You are not authorised to be here,” a voice drifted in his direction as steps spoke of an approaching person.

Kili snorted. Of course it had to be one of the nurses. It didn’t matter anymore, though, he’d seen him and he would tell the others what he’d found in the storage room. More fuel for conflict. Why should he still put up with this shit? If his life would get worse anyway he could as well seal his fate, it would hardly make this place any more terrible.

“I’m the intern, so I am authorised. I still have a few minutes of my lunch break left, so how about you just piss off?” If his voice hadn’t been so throaty from crying it probably would have sounded a bit more impressive. And the sniffing afterwards wasn’t going to help him either.

Therefore Kili was prepared for literally anything, the following reply, however, was neither hateful nor arrogant. “Oh,” a sound full of understanding, coaxing the brunet to look up to the blond that had come to a stop before him. Huh… well this nurse he hadn’t met so far. “So you are the one Denethor got so angry about.”

“Wanna mock me now, too?” Kili asked, his attempt to glare at the other perished as his lips started to wobble again. He wasn’t sure if he could handle more spiteful words, so why did he have to challenge the other now?!

To his great surprise the blond simply fumbled for a tissue and handed it to him before he flopped down beside Kili. The brunet stared at him stupidly for a few seconds, only mumbling a sheepish thank-you when he had to sniff again. Drying his tears and blowing his nose Kili had a hard time comprehending what just happened.

“I’m Fili,” the blond nurse said, his gaze focussed to the door instead the brunet’s tear-stained face, for which he was quite thankful.

“Kili,” he muttered, miserably looking at the wet and sticky spots at his knees.

“Want to talk about it?”

Shrugging helplessly Kili kept quiet. What was there to say? He didn’t belong here and this knowledge stung.

“Listen, I don’t know what happened I just returned from my vacation, but I know some of my colleagues and their… strange opinions. What they don’t get is that they won’t be treated with respect if they don’t give it back to the doctors. I, for example, have no trouble with them. Just don’t let it get you down. Not all nurses here are like Denethor and some of the others and I can assure you that the nurses aren’t like this in other hospitals. We are understaffed for years now and this isn’t really motivating for the others either, but you can do this. I heard it’s your second week and everyone does mistakes then and again, even if you do this job for years. Just try to do better the next time and you will be fine.”

During his speech Kili had dared to meet the gaze of the other, so much trust could be detected in his deep blue eyes it constricted Kili’s throat and transformed talking into an impossible task. He swallowed hard while Fili seemed to wait patiently for a reaction.

“I… I don’t think so,” he finally forced out, blinking against tears once more in the wake of his crushed dream.

Gratefully he reached for another tissue the nurse handed him. How stupid he had to look, crying in front of a guy he didn’t even know. What must he think of Kili? Nothing good, obviously, since one didn't simply weep out in the open. This wasn’t how the world worked. Crying… showing weakness… it was supposed to be done in secret, at home, where no one could see and no one would judge. Where one was safe. Kili wasn’t feeling safe right now, although his companion hadn’t given him any reason to feel so exposed.

“Take your time. I know it's hard sometimes to get out what hurts you,” the other said and his voice was soft and soothing, exactly what anxious patients at a place like this needed and it caused Kili to really look at the nurse. Taking in his medium-length blond hair and its style he couldn’t quite place, it wasn’t a mohawk in the way he’d come across so far, not in an extreme manner at least, but enough to give him a rebellious touch. It seemed so surreal, so inappropriate for a nurse that it fascinated Kili. Just like the small smile framed by dimples and a neatly trimmed beard.

Well, shit. He was gorgeous and Kili was making a fool of himself.

Trying to take a deep breath he hoped to get the sobs trapped inside his throat under control, but it was no use and so he decided to give up on his attempts. His first impression had been awful anyway, so saving face now wouldn’t change anything.

“It’s so much work,” he admitted, wiping the never ending tears away with frustration. “I knew studying medicine wouldn’t be easy, but I didn’t expect it to be this hard. I feel so lost and then I come here and fuck everything up. It just feels all wrong, this place…, me… and… and I just want to give up.”

Beside him Fili shifted so they could meet each other’s gaze easily. There was no smile on his face this time, but his eyes were gentle and full of understanding and Kili could barely breathe at the sight, he’d never seen anyone express so much through their eyes… or perhaps it was the first time he was looking close enough.

“Believe me, when I tell you that there is nothing wrong with you. This feeling is completely normal. I’ve seen lots of students here already and every one of them felt like you do right now. Some feel it at the beginning of their study, some in the middle and some right at the end. The study of medicine is tough and so it’s normal to be overwhelmed by the shit load of work, but it won’t stay like this. You are at the beginning of your study, as far as I was told, you haven’t even finished your basic studies. I can promise you, it will get easier with time. You will learn quite a lot and soon be able to understand the connections and at this point it will get better. It takes time and costs blood, sweat and tears, but it will be worth it. You will be a _great_ doctor, Kili. Don’t let obstacles in your way tell you what you can or can’t do.”

Kili found himself lost in Fili’s voice. He spoke with such fervour it was hard to ignore. But what put him off most was the trust in his words. No one here or at the university had ever shown any trust in him. His family was an exception, but this didn’t really count seeing that he hadn’t even told them about half of his struggles. And it worked, it truly helped, something he hadn’t thought possible. Just in being someone able to comprehend his situation and still believing in him Kili managed to draw strength from him, noticing a gleam of hope between all the stress and despair.

Nodding shyly he whispered a soft: “thank you.”

Fili’s following smile was as bright as the sunlight and Kili knew immediately he was fucked in a completely different way now. How could anyone not develop a crush while witnessing this smile?

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

From that day on it got better. Fili somehow convinced Denethor to allow Kili to accompany the blond nurse. He taught him everything he could, drawing blood, wound care and important stations of the daily routine at the hospital. What he wasn’t allowed to show the brunet himself Fili made sure others took care of so Kili could learn everything this internship was supposed to teach him. The blond also gave him tips regarding time management and even though he still wouldn’t awake well rested on the following mornings part of the constant exhaustion was leaving him bit by bit.

His crush only intensified under Fili’s gentle lead and Kili had to tell himself nearly three times a day that he didn’t stand a chance. What could a skittish, twenty-one years old student offer an experienced nurse at the age of twenty-six? Nothing, of course.

But again he was surprised when, on his last day of internship, Fili asked him out. Kili agreed, babbling a probably stupid reply that he couldn’t even understand himself, too lost in a mixture of happiness and disbelieve.

It were feather-light kisses that woke him the next morning after a wonderful evening had ended in Fili’s bed. The cosy warmth beneath the blanket, coming from their shared body heat, as well as Fili’s distinctive scent clinging to the pillow he was snuggling into almost lured him back to sleep. Almost. For the kisses didn’t stop, tickling him along with Fili’s beard and sending a spark of anticipation through his system. He smiled as he was greeted by warm blue eyes and didn’t need any more prodding to crawl into Fili’s waiting arms.

He was feeling a bit sore after last night’s activities but wouldn’t be opposed to a repetition. Though, he had to admit, cuddling was just as nice. His last relationship seemed ages ago and back then it had all been about relief for a boy hitting adolescence. A break up was bound to occur. This, however, was going to be more, would reach deeper and he already loved how he just seemed to fit right into Fili’s arms.

They shared lazy kisses, not caring about morning breath and didn’t leave the bed for the better part of the morning.

“Did you sleep well?” Fili eventually asked, after they’d decided to forgo breakfast and went straight to lunch.

“Yeah,” he answered with a bright smile. And it was true, he hadn’t slept that great since he’d started studying and with Fili’s support he looked forward to return to the university for the next semester.

 

 


End file.
